I'm still here .....

OMG has it really been 4 days since I last posted ?

Well the last 4 days have been busy .. I'm feeling alot better and I've actually been working in the backyard .. and it feels GREAT !!!!

The 5 babies went to their new home on Thursday - I really miss them .. Miss Puddleduck cried for what seemed an eternity - just wandering around the pen looking and calling for them .. it was really sad ..

Little Lucky is still with us .. he hatched out 2 days after the 1st 5 - and OMG he's sooo tiny .. he is being rared by henny penny the bantam .. it's so cute she comes out all day with him now and she clucks and coo's .. 

but little lucky is only interested in being in the water .. lol .. if he doesn't come when she calls - she stamps her little feet and ruffles her feathers .. not long after that lucky duck is running to her .. it's quite bizarre when you seen a chicken raising a duck .. especially with lucky being so tiny .. if you can't see him you call him and next thing this little yellow head pops out from under henny penny .. 

We've been building some nesting pens - hence why i've been busy .. they are really starting to take shape now .. and look fantastic ! .. Poor Peter has had a rough time tho .. everytime he goes to do something in his shed he hears "darl, can you please come and screw this kopper log for us with those - you know those screwy things you use" .. lol ..

Phyliss said today "poor bastard by the time he's finished here, his timber for his shelves will be rotten" .. hahahaha ..

It's starting to get dark here really early now .. 6pm and it's dark ! .. so the dogs now go to bed at 6pm instead of about 7pm .. and it's starting to get cold too .. Peter set the air con in the lounge room to come on before i got up so the kitchen/dining/lounge was beautiful and warm ..

Koko has a wonderful new scratching pole that Peter built for him .. it stands about 6 foot high and has 2 shelves on it .. Yesterday Koko was on the very top shelf and forgetting where he was he rolled over and OMG he fell off the shelf ! .. he grabbed with his claws and he was just hanging there .. Peter, Mum and I were in fits of laughter - he just looked sooo funny hanging there ! . He got back up and almost did the same thing again !

It's one week tomorrow that I stopped all fertility treatment apart from the synarel - not sign of AF yet .. so finger's crossed she comes sooner than later .. so we get the lap surgery done and find out what the hell is going on !

That's it from me for now .... time to sit back and watch some TV with the love of my life .....

Night night all .......

Feeling a little down ...

Well one can't help but wonder what today would have brought had we gone ahead with EPU .. how many follies would have been collected, would they have needed to do a lap to get to the other ovary, would I suffer with OHSS yet again ..

I'm just lazing around the house - the clinic called yesterday and again this morning to check on me and see how I was doing .. apart from feeling down cause EPU didn't go ahead I think I'm doing quite well ..

In our hearts we know we made the right decision not to go ahead - but when I sit and think about it .. I would (thinking positive here) have been pregnant in 3 weeks ..

I would rather find out what the hell is going on with my body .. I mean every full stimulated cycle I'm bloody sick .. no-one else suffers like this .. waiting for AF is gonna be a pain in the arse .. but nothing I can about it ..

It's funny we go through all this fertility treatment saying "AF keep away" .. and yet here I am almost begging her to arrive so we can move forward and get the lap surgery under way so we can get some answers ..

Who know's the lap surgery might show nothing - then again I could have endo, blocked or twisted tubes .. who knows !

A new start ....

This morning was my first morning of not having to "jab" .. and it kinda felt weird after 14 days of jabbing and not getting up to do my video ..

So how do I feel about it all this morning ?

We're still feeling good about the decision we made - as hard as it was if we had gone ahead I would have been really sick afterwards - having a normal EPU as well as lap surgery .. in Nov 2005 I had lap surgery done and I was out of action for almost 2 weeks ! .. After talks with my mum and Peter's mum they were both happy about our decision also ..

I did my "sniff" only ONCE .. not twice like I have been doing .. so far I haven't had a headache for quite a few days .. wahhhhh whoooooooo ! .. other than that - my stomach is really sore and it hurts when I walk .. last night I wasn't feeling well at all so I crawled into bed and had a pretty good night's sleep ..

Other than that - I'm just moping around the house .. during this time I'm going to try and cut back on what i eat - mainly chocolate - altho the last few days I can't even look at chocolate without feeling sick .. so maybe that's a good thing ? .. lol ..

E2 results are in ... IVF# 3 cancelled

OK so I just email everyone and my FS rings .. lol .. always the way ..

OK the cycle is cancelled - E2 is 22,000 ..

I stay on synarel for 2 weeks and wait for AF once she arrives I go back and see Julie and we go in for surgery ..

so that's it guys - all over for us .. but I'm happy - I don't wanna get sick like last time - and I really hope that this is the beginning of finding some answers !

Follicle Scan # 4 ...

I hope I get this right because this morning my FS and I got a bit of a shock ! .. before you ask BFP .. the answer is NO ... but there is something wrong .. well not wrong – but it could mean surgery ..

OK I went in for my scan at 7.30am this morning and while doing the scan my FS found

(L) 10 x 19mm and heaps of other ones under 13mm

As for my (R) well first off she couldn’t find it .. so she moved the probe around and thought she found the ( R ) but then said to me isn’t that the (L) side ? .. so she prodded some more .. but nup still couldn’t find it ..

so then she said “ok we’ll do a tummy ultrasound” .. while doing that she said “oh ok there it is .. right up near your uterus” .. so then she became a little concerned and said ok I’ll do another internal ultrasound ..

She still couldn’t find it and asked me if I’d had any lap surgery done .. to which I replied yes but they only found PCOS nothing else .. so Julie is thinking like this:

Either the ( R ) ovary became stuck up there after our last EPU

OR

It has always been stuck up there but no-one has noticed and when doing the ultrasounds what they think is 2 ovaries is actually only 1 ! ..

God I hope this is making sense ? .. I have had another E2 BT this morning so we’re awaiting those results – because Julie can’t see the other ovary we have NO idea how many eggs are in there .. so the plan is as follows:

Plan 1.

If E2 comes back under 18,000 – 20,000 then full steam ahead to EPU on Wednesday – now this EPU won’t be your NORMAL EPU .. the first part of the EPU will be done normally the 2nd part will be done via LAP surgery so they can get to the other ovary ..

depending on how I come out etc – we may get to do a FRESH TRANSFER ! .. if I don’t fall pregnant this cycle – Julie will book me in for explorative surgery to find out why the other ovary is sitting so high ..

Plan 2.

If E2 is over 20,000 then we will cancel – and Julie will book me in for explorative surgery to find out why the other ovary is sitting so high ..

There is so much going around in my head right now I can’t remember if there is anything else ? ..

Oh that’s right .. lol .. Julie also said with the ovary sitting so high – and possibly not seeing it that’s why I always become so sick while on IVF – because when they do EPU – they can’t see the other ovary and therefore all the follies get left inside – hence OHSS ..

Injection # 14 ...

Well this morning's jab went really well ..

My boob's are still feeling really heavy and OMG sore !!!!!!! .. I can hardly get a bra on .. the pain in my ovaries doesn't seem too bad .. from experience in March and August - this is a piece of cake ....

Injection # 13 ...

This mornings jab went really well .. I didn't feel a thing .. I am feeling pretty good too .. I wonder if it's the egg's and Ribena ???? ..

My boobs are incredibly sore - so sore in fact that I couldn't get a bra on this morning .. but I'm dressed now because we're going out ..

I had bacon and 2 eggs for breakfast .. and I'll have another 2 egg's when I get home this afternoon ..

Other than that - I'm nervous about tomorrow morning's scan .. but taking 1 day at a time .. i've got some pain - but that's to be expected - it's no-where near like it was in March or August 07 .. so I'm pretty happy with that !

Termites ....

Well the termite guy arrived at lunch time yesterday (Friday) - about 5 mins after I got home ..

He did an inspection and YEP we've got termites .. well we knew that because there are holes in the timber window frame in the lounge room window down stairs .. they are all through that 1 wall and just starting on another window frame ..

In phyliss's bedroom they are starting on the timber frame around her wardrobe door .. thank god we caught it early ..

$ 2,000.00 to do the barrier .. they will drill holes down through the cement (we have a lot of cement around the house) so that's going to drive me mental because they will be here for approx 3-4 hours depending on how quickly they get it done ..

At least the damage wasn't worse ! .. we were thinking we'd be up for about $ 10,000 to get timber and such replaced .. thank god all we have to replace is a timber window frame .. i guess we're lucky in that respect ...

OMG it's 6.38am and the termite guy has just arrived ! .. lol .. just as well I got up early ! ..

E2 & P4 results ...

It was almost 3pm and I hadn't heard from our FS about the E2 results and I started to panic .. so I gave them a call .. My FS was out of the office and results had just come in .. her receptionist told me she rang and left a message for the FS to call her back ..

Anyway our FS's receptionist called me back and said this is her mobile number if you haven't heard by tonight give her a ring .. the levels are:

E2 - 7,998
P4 - 6.0

OMG .. going by those numbers I really thought she would have cancelled the cycle - but when I spoke to our FS on the phone last night she was really HAPPY ! .. I couldn't beleive it ! ... So it's full steam ahead to Monday now for the next scan and .. YUCK another E2 BT ..

I am eating 2-3 hard boiled eggs a day and also drinking up to 3 ltrs of water a day with Ribena juice .. i was feeling rather sore and yuckky tonight but after 750mls of Ribena and 3 hard boiled eggs I'm feeling OK ...

Follicle Scan # 3 ...

What a mixed bag of emotions today .. I cried almost all the way home in the car from the Dr ..

(L) 10 x 12mm, 2 x 16mm
(R) 7 x 12mm
heaps and heaps of smaller ones

They are kinda growing - but not if you know what I mean .. Our Dr mentioned a few options - EPU possibly around Wed/Thurs and freeze all embies at D1 - to which I immediately said NO - we want a fresh transfer ..

I go back on Monday at 7.30am for another scan and another E2 BT - so finger's crossed all is going well and we can trigger !!!!!!

So I left her office and went to have the E2 test done - god what a disaster .. they can never get blood out of me .. it took the lady 2 times - the 1st jab i didn't feel but because my veins go flat she had to poke the needle around .. next thing I'm screaming !!!!!!!! .. omg it hurt .. she evenutally got it .. after looking at the top of my hands to which I pleaded and pleaded with her NOT to do .. lol ..

So that was my day .. a little disappointing and really deflated !

Injection # 11 ....

Injection # 11 went well this morning only stung a little bit .. was kinda a rushed job this morning .. lol ..

I had to take Peter to work so I could go for the scan at 10.30am this morning and as I mentioned in the post before this one the termite guy is coming at lunch time .. so it was all systems go this morning !

Let's hope the scan is really good and I can trigger sometime over the weekend ....

T E R M I T E S !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well this is something that we DIDN'T need atm ..

Phyliss was doing her housework downstairs when her hand went through the timber on the window sill .. she buzzed us upstairs and i went straight down .. YEP .. termites !

We don't know how bad the damage is yet .. the termite guy is coming at lunch time today to evaluate the situation .. this is the last thing we needed - but I'm not stressing about it .. what's done is done .. we now need to know how bad the damage is to work out the best way to fix it ..

Naturally we'll get the barrier done which could cost around $ 2,500 but if we don't we'll lose the house - we're not covered by Insurance even tho we pay over $ 1,000 a year .. so that's a bit of a bummer ..

So far we're up for replacing the timber around the window sill in the lounge room down stairs - and we may have to pull the plasterboard off and replace all that as well .. it depends what the termite guy finds when he get's here ..

God we hope it's only confined to that 1 window or we could be up for anywhere between $ 2,500 - $ 10,000 .................................

Starting to get really sore ....

I guess I only have myself to blame - but when you've got animals to care for there is nothing you can do about it .. and I can't let phyliss do all the work on her own .. i have to help in some way ..

I've noticed this afternoon that it's starting to get more and more difficult to walk now .. it's not a pain pain if you know what i mean .. it's like a very deep deep ache kinda .. gosh it's so hard to explain ..

sitting here i'm fine - can't feel anything but the minute i move that's when i'll notice it .. yeah yeah i know i should be resting and doing nothing .. it just really frustrates me sitting and doing nothing ..

Injection # 10 ...

This morning's jab went really well .. I didn't feel a thing .. I'm starting to notice alot more discomfort now .. especially when I walk .. I kinda don't feel like eating or drinking either - but I know that I have to ..

The scan tomorrow will give us a clear indication of what's going on - at least we hope it will .. it's kinda scarey to think that I could hyperstimulate again .. I've been through that twice now and altho the 2nd time wasn't as bad as the 1st - we really want a fresh transfer so we're gonna have to ride this out and wait and see what happens ..

On a different note:

Baby # 6 who we have nicknamed "Lucky" is doing fine and moving around well this morning - altho he still can't walk he should be up and running around by tomorrow ..

The other 5 babies - well there's no stopping them now .. they are running all over the place .. Miss Puddleduck is the best mother to them it's so cute .. it's like she talks to them and they know what she's saying .. she only has to make a little squeal and the babies come running ..

2nd follicle scan ..

our 2nd scan was today - it's not good news and it's not bad news ..

8 follies L and R a total of 16 - each measuring 12mm heaps and heaps and heaps and HEAPS of little ones ..

monday i had 6-10 follies between each side measuring 8mm - 11mm .. so they haven't grown much at all .. i did have a few small ones, but nothing really to worry about that was until today !

so my FS is a little concerned atm about the smaller ones .. so back for another scan on friday with an E2 and P4 BT .. we may have to stretch this cycle out or cancel - either way we'll know more on friday ..

she asked how i was doing and i said well to honest i feel as tho i've got a couple of bowling balls swishing around in there .. and when she did the scan she said "you don't have bowling balls - but you do have 2 BIG grapefruits" .. rofl ...

baby number 6 has arrived !

Baby number 6 has finally arrived ! .. with a little help from me ..

Miss Daisy obviously has no idea about babies and was picking up the egg by the cracked shell and throwing the baby around the nest box .. so i rescued him/her - picked away what was left of the shell .. by this time the poor little thing was almost freezing cold and shaking really really badly ..

Once out of the shell I put the new baby under Penny (the clucky bantam) who is in the same nest box as Miss Daisy - YES I may as well live on farm .. lol .. I just love animals .. and when we have a family I want them to grow up loving animals just like Peter and I ..

I haven't got a picture yet of the new bub, I wanted to get him under Penny as quickly as I could so he/she could get warm again ... so will hopefully get a picture later this afternoon ...

Injection # 9 ...

OK this morning's jab really stung ! .. lol .. so don't be scared when you watch the video .. lol ..

My scan is at 2.30 pm so we should have a YES or NO for Monday - I'm hoping I haven't had an explosion of follicles since monday as last night I was feeling really uncomfortable and to be honest this morning it feels as tho i'm walking around with a couple of bowling balls swaying side to side ..

Monday I had 6-10 follies between left and right - all measuring 8mm - 11mm .. so it will be interesting to see how many and what sizes today ..

Miss Puddleduck and her babies were out and about early this morning - the babies even had a swim in the new pond i put in there for them .. Miss Puddleduck had a bath too and was drenched .. the babies tried to have a bath .. it was sooooooo cute ..

Miss Daisy and Penny (1 of my bantam chickens) have the last 3 eggs of Miss Puddleducks .. and when Phyliss and I went up there this morning - 1 is starting to hatch - so it looks like 5 will grow into 6 very soon ..

A huge CONGRATULATIONS to my friend Nicki and her hubbie - after 2 1/2 years of trying for a baby using clomid, injections, IVF and FET cycles last friday they found out they were PREGNANT ! ... I am so HAPPY for them both ! ..

It gives us hope to keep going when miracles like this happen - their bub is due around Christmas time - you couldn't ask for a better christmas present !

A journey through IVF ...

A slide show of the needles, drugs, scans, blood tests and embryo's from our IVF attempts ..

The ducklings first swim

24 hours after hatching the babies are enjoying their first swim ! ..

Injection # 8 ...

Another jab over and done with .. this morning I'm feeling really really tired had a horrible night last night and didn't get much sleep ..

Iam now starting to feel some more twangs and pangs in the my left and right sides - but nothing that i can't handle .. the 175iu dose seems to be the right one for me .. and looks like at this stage we'll get to do a FRESH transfer .. yayyyyyyyyyyy ..

The ducklings are doing well this morning they've had their first swim ! .. lol .. so cute .. they are still trying to find their legs, but the seem to be fumbling around quite well ..

We had a storm come through here yest arvo - and it brought hail with it .. so i was a bit worried how Miss Puddleduck and the babies would go - but they were fine .. all curled up in their little hidey hole as i call it .. lol .. the storm just seemed to come out of no-where and left 17,000 houses without power throughout Brisbane and Logan (we're in Logan) .. thankfully our power just flickered on and off and that was it .. but the hail was about pea size - and didn't do any damage .. thank god !

Miss Puddleduck and her babies

approx 1.30pm - 6 hours after hatching

1st scan results ..

Well the 1st scan went really well .. so far we have:

6 - 10 follicles between left and right ovaries

Size: ranging from 8mm - 11mm

Both the Dr and I were happy with that results - and looking forward to the 2nd scan on wednesday .. We'll know on wednesday whether it's full steam ahead for EPU on Monday 21st April or if I have to have another scan on Friday ..

I picked up some more Puregon (900iu vial) and asked for some more Synarel only to be told the bottle I had should last me .. but it was empty .. turns out I should only be doing 1 sniff morning and night .. not 2 morning and night .. there is nothing wrong in doing that, but that explains the dreadful headaches etc ..

On another note - Miss Puddleducks babies are doing fine .. they are so cute but still very weak .. they are holding their heads up now and trying to get around .. they are soooo tiny and it's so hard to believe that they came from inside the egg .. lol ..

Our baby ducks ..

Miss Puddleduck is the proud mum to 5 babies 14th April 2008 6.30am

Injection # 7 ...

Another day down .. wooo hooo .. the 1st scan is this morning at 10am .. and I'm really excited ! .. we'll have a fair idea of what's happening in there today ! (see video's on the right)

On another note Miss Puddleduck is the proud mum to 5 babies ! .. they started hatching yesterday but unfortunately by this morning they still hadn't come out - so I gave them a helping hand .. sadly 1 baby didn't make it ..

Injection # 6 ...

Oh boy oh boy .. I really felt this morning's needle .. i dried the area off like i normally do .. but a drop of FSH was on the tip of the needle - this sometimes happens .. and when i put the needle oh boy .. i did the injection about 10 mins ago and it is still stinging altho it is starting to settle down ..

I'm starting to feel some "twinges" and "pangs" in the ovaries - but NOWHERE near like March or August last year .. so finger's crossed we've got some really nice little follices in there ! It will be interesting to see the ultrasound tomorrow (14-04-08 - 10am) ..

I did my synarel spray also .. but thought it didn't work so I did another round of sprays - and i'm paying for it now .. lol .. ewwwwwwww the taste is sooooo foul ! .. fellow IVF'ers would know all too well what the taste is like ! ..

I'm off to mum's today with nanna and phyliss to pick up some shelving for peter .. we'll take the trailer .. it's just a quick trip over and back .. so we should be home by lunch time ..

Anyway I better get moving - don't want to leave too late .. it's a 45 min drive to mum's - thank god i can take the freeway almost all the way ! ...........

Have a good one

5th Injection ....

This mornings injection kinda hurt a little bit .. lol .. it really stung .. i think it's because of where i actually did the needle .. (see IVF VIDEOS)

Another night last night of 10.30pm .. arghhhh .. it's really driving me mental ! .. even tho i'm sleeping in till 7.30am ... it just doesn't seem enough and i'm feeling really tired ..

this afternoon phyliss and i got up into the chook/den pen and trimmed down the lemon and grapefruit trees .. they really needed it ..

peter is busy building a new cat pole for koko - hopefully this one will keep him busy ! ..

4th Injection ...

Today is the 4th day of injections and I think I'm doing pretty good ! .. I actually went on the count of "3" this morning .. lol .. it does get easier every day .. but there's still the thought in the back of your head that you are actually injecting something into your body all by yourself ! .. the video is on the right ------------>

I'm not feeling anything in the ovaries at the moment, which is a good thing .. cycles 1 and 2 by day 4-5 i was feeling alot of pressure and starting to feel sick .. so finger's crossed that 175iu is the right dose for me .. the scan on monday will show what's happening .. and that's not that far away ..

I'm still suffering from really bad insomneia from the synarel - last night last time i looked at the clock was 10.30pm .. i didn't wake up till around 5.30am for the loo .. but then i crawled back into bed and woke up to the sound of the phone ringing at 7.20am .. and now it's 9.31am and i'm ready to lay down and have a sleep again ..

The headache is almost gone - think I'll take 2 more advil and that should kill it off completely ..

As if we didn't have enough stress going on in the family atm .. i found out this morning that my cousin (who has the triplets) that her husband was put into hospital yesterday with a suspected mild heart attack and he's only 39 ! .. we'll know more this morning but he's in the ICU so we just have to wait and see what the Dr's say when Susan goes to the hospital this morning ..

Apparently he's had a pain in his left arm for a few weeks .. but the pain was so bad yesterday he rang Susan and told she told him to get straight to a HOSPITAL and that she would meet him there .. so he did .. he was admitted on arrival and had all sorts of tests done .. Susan has been told there is a problem, but what that problem is .. we don't know yet .. the Dr told Susan had he not gone to the hospital yesterday - he might not have been here today ! .. she has been telling him for weeks to go see a Dr .. but we all know what BLOODY MEN ARE LIKE ! ..

3rd Injection ......

OK this morning's jab is over and done with ... (see the VIDEO list to the right)

it's getting easier as each morning passes .. i see Dr L in 4 days - so far I'm not experiencing any pain in my ovaries like i did with # 1 or # 2 so hopefully that's a good sign that they are growing but no too many .. we really need a fresh transfer this time ..

last night i was still roaming around the house at 11pm .. it's really draining me .. i'm normally sound asleep by 8pm .. lol .. i last looked at the clock at 11.15pm .. and woke up at 6.40am ..

today I am going to pick up a dvd called "A Fortunate Life" .. it's the true story of Bert Facey - my nanna is currently reading the book ... and mum decided to buy her the dvd ..

I was smart last night I cooked enough vegetables to last us 3-4 nights ... that way i only have to cook our meat etc ... so much easier ...

2nd injection ....

Well this morning's JAB is over and done with ! (see VIDEO list to the right) .. was still a little hard to get used of again .. but was easier then yesterday ..

i have a small bruise from the jab yesterday - but that always happen ..

It was another night of 11pm and i was still roaming around the house - with a side splitting headache .. this morning the headache isn't too bad .. it's a cool day so i'm just gonna chill inside and watch a few movies and take it easy ..

Enjoy ...........

1st injection ...

Well the 1st injection of this cycle is over and done with .. yayyyyyyyy .. It was kinda hard and brought back lots and lots of memories .... it stung like mad ..

to view the VIDEO - see VIDEO list ..

Injection # 1 - Tuesday 8th April 2008

Cameraman - Peter

Actress - Jodie

Extra's - Kracker (seen walking in the background), Koko (meowing) and Peter appearing briefly ..

I can't believe it ...

I got up this morning still with a headache ... anyway i headed to the kitchen to get ready for my 1st injection ... "where's the alcohol swabs???" .. god damn it .. we stripped the fridge from to bottom .. checked all the draws in the bedroom, bathroom and kitchen ..

they are gone .. where i have no bloody idea .. i remember getting them in the bag .. but what i did with them .. who knows !

so now i have to wait till lunch time when nanna and phyliss get home cause they are going to the chemist for me to pick some up ..

god i'm so stupid !!!!!

rotten bloody headaches ..

well another day down .. and tomorrow i start injections .. while i'm happy about that because it means that the cycle is really under way .. i just hope i don't keep getting these headaches .. i know i shouldn't whinge and complain but i'm soooo sick and tired of spending all day on the lounge chair half asleep while trying to get rid of a headache ..

the house work is suffering and poor peter who still isn't having a good time at work came home tonight and did the housework .. he doesn't mind doing it because he know's how sick i get these headaches, but it's not fair on him ...... thank god he's very understanding :)

tonight my hand is banging to the point of even just sitting here typing it's hurting .. so i think i might say good night and head to bed and try and get a good nights sleep .. hopefully Koko won't come in and wake me up .. like he has done every night for the past 3-4 nights ..

anyway .. i'm off to bed ...... will post pictures tomorrow of me doing the 1st injection of or 3rd full stim ...

night night all .. sweet dreams .............. xoxoxoxox

AF sucks !

Now I know I'm supposed to AF because of my schedule .. but god she's being a real bitch this time ..

Last night the cramps and pains were terrible .. and to make matters worse it was freezing here .. had to put the heater on last night .. anyway i was in bed early .. between AF and synarel I had a headache and went to bed just after 7pm .. i couldn't get warm and kept shivering ..

This morning there are still cramps and pains .. and a slight headache .. tomorrow i start injections .. so it's full steam ahead !

and AF arrives ......

Well it's happened and AF is here .. according to my schedule she should have arrived right on spot today .. and she has ..

I'm putting the dreadful headache yesterday - the killer as I nicknamed it .. down to AF .. as it's the kind of headache I always seem to get the day before she arrives .. this morning I had no sign of her .. by lunch time I was having niggly twinges .. by 2pm .. yep she was here .. only light but she's there ...

That means now I can go ahead with my injections of 175iu starting Tuesday .. my 1st scan is then on Monday and again on Wednesday .. it's all starting to come together now .. wooo hoooo ..

Not proud ....

OK so this week I'm not proud of myself .. I said some things that weren't nice and found out that it's 110% better to keep your mouth shut and keep things to yourself .. at the time I thought I was doing the right thing by talking about it because I was really angry and hurt .. but it just made matters worse ..

I only took into consideration my OWN feelings and no-one else's .. so therefore it wasn't only me that was hurt .. and for that ..



It brought me to the conclusion that you can't trust anyone .. no matter how much you think you can ..

this stuff is awful ..........

the synarel seems to be getting worse with every day .. it's running down the back of my throat and making me feel dreadfully sick .. maybe i'm breathing in too much when i sniff ? .. god I don't know .. but i do know this morning my stomach is just going and going ..

i've just done my morning sniff and the hardest part is sitting here and trying not to swallow .. cause when you do that .. yep down she goes ! ..

koko is being a right royal pain in the ass this morning .. he just won't leave kracker alone .. and i caught him a minute a go climbing like a monkey up the curtains here in the spare room .. arghhhhhhhhhh .. they are only el cheapo curtains from Big W .. I think I paid about $ 20 for the set .. so long as he don't touch the curtains in the lounge room .. if he does then he's in big BIG trouble !

Is it ok to take things out on other people ????

When you are under alot of stress is it ok to take it out on your family and friends ? ..

We've been under alot of stress over the past few years in regards to our financial situation combined with infertility treatment - and hey I will be the first to put my hand up and say " I'M GUILTY " .. of doing and saying things to family and friends that I don't mean .. but I always say SORRY ..

I have had quite a few out bursts in an online forum I go into called POSAA over the last year or so .. and said things that I am ashamed of but I have always apologised ... whether it took me 1 hour or 6 months, I did apologise ..

How can a friend know if you are under stress or unhappy if you don't mention anything and just keep living every day as if everything is normal ? .. I don't pretend to be all happy happy joy joy if I'm feeling down or depressed .. if something is wrong I tell my friend/s .. and talk about it .. not keep it all bottled up and then explode when my friend/s least expects it ..

Maybe we pretend because we don't want the world to see that we're human and that we have feelings and faults just like everyone else ? .. but isn't that classed as lying and deception ? ..

Should we be made to feel as tho we shouldn't "complain" or "whinge" ??? ... is it right when your talking to a friend to sit at the keyboard and think "shit maybe I shouldn't tell him/her that I'm feeling down because they'll get in a huff and tell me to stop whinging or complaining so I'll just act all happy happy joy joy to suit them" ..

Friends are like 4 leafed clovers and very very hard to find BUT when you do find them you need to treat them with the same respect and dignity that you would expect someone to give you ............................

Another day .......

It's a bit windy and rather cool today .. altho i don't mind this kind of weather - it's kinda in between not hot and not cold .. but still there is a really cool breeze flowing through the front door ..

I was sitting here before watching a movie - a thriller called "the glass house - the good mother" .. anyway i'm sitting here munching away on my sandwich when I thought I heard foot steps up the front steps .. I almost shit myself and thought "i didn't hear the front gate open" .. so I sat frozen for what seemed an eternity - the next thing I see a hand reach out and it's Peter about to open the screen door ..

OMG you've no idea the fright I got .. it has made me realise now just how important it is to lock the front and back doors .. which I do in any case, but it just made me realise that i didn't hear our front gate .. our front gate slides and is on a metal track with metal wheels .. it's very heavy .. and the gate itself is made from metal and tin roofing (powder coated in a teal/blue colour) .. and when you open it .. it would wake the dead ..

I'm just waiting for days of our lives at 2pm .. yeah i know .. but god it's getting good now .. I can't believe that John is Stefano's half brother and John takes over the Di Mera business .. oppss .. I suppose I've just given something away ? .. oh well ..

Home and Away - I can't wait for Sam to be gone .. she's a looney ! .. I almost died when Jack was going to burn the letter - but he didn't .. thank god .. but now it looks like it's coming back to bite him on bum cause Sam gave a letter to the police .. so who did it ??? ...... SUCH MYSTERY ! ..................

A bit of a rant ..........

Well today really has been a mixed bag of emotions ..

1st of all I had a side splitting headache from the synarel - it's driving me crazy but we want a baby so we'll do anything we have to to achieve that dream ..

My appointment went well - my ovaries are dormant - which is good .. so it's full steam ahead now .. I should be starting injections 1 week today with a bit of luck .. yayyyyyyyyyy ..

I spoke to a friend on the phone tonight - it had been a while but it was really nice to chat .. we talked for almost an hour and it was great to catch up .. it reminded me that I need to keep in contact with my friends more ..

Sometimes I sit here and wonder just who my real friends are on the net .. I mean I talk to people almost every day that I have never met in MSN messenger .. I have spoken to a couple on the phone and a couple of us have met at chat meets and I have even met 1 net friend for a very sad and tragic time for a funeral .. But out of all those friends none have ever spat the dummy and left a conversation .. that is apart from 1 .. and it's happened not once but quite a few times .. and even during converstations that we were having with other people in a group chat .. and yesterday morning during a conversation I just snapped ! .. I'd had enough !

Our converstation started out pretty normal and then it came up about renting and buying/owning .. I said nothing wrong in the converstation .. all I did was agree with her that yes buying/owning is better than renting ..

I feel as tho I can't talk to her about anything now without feeling as tho we are "better off" and also that from now on everything that I say is being "judged" if you know what I mean ? .. I have nothing to be sorry for .. I said nothing wrong in our converstation yesterday morning .. and besides the converstation we were having was about renting and owning/buying .. and yet her final comments were about "trival" items we purchase ...........

Anyway I am very disappointed but the old saying is .. in life you gain friends and lose friends ...........

Headaches ...

Well I guess the synarel is doing it's job .. I woke up at 2.30am this morning with an abolute killer of a headache ! .. i took some advil and headed back to bed and was still awake at about 4am .. i guess i evenutally fell asleep cause i woke up and the clock said 6.17am ..

so long as the synarel is doing it's job then i don't care about the headaches - i can easily sleep those off if need be .. it's only 1 week and i'll be jabbing .. lol .. I'll be sure to post some pics of this .. if your scared of needles don't look ... lol ..

Synarel .......

Well 28th March 08 was the day that I finally start synarel .. I don't remember the taste being this foul ! .. it's running down the back of my throat and ewwwwwwww .. it makes you feel so sick !

for those of you who don't know what synarel is .. it's a nose spray that supresses your body from ovulating .. and it tastes really foul .. lol .. I take 1 puff each nostril morning and night and i keep doing this until the dr tells me otherwise .. so that's the lastest update from moi ! .. I keep this update to date as much as possible during this cycle .....

Pill Down Regulation Protocol schedule ..

Here is the time line for IVF # 3

11-03-08 .... i started the pill

28-03-08 .... start syneral while still on the pill

03-04-08 .... take the last pill & 1st scan with dr at 12 midday

08-04-08 .... start injections 175iu puregon

15-04-08 .... 2nd scan

17-04-08 .... 3rd scan

21-04-08 .... EPU

26-04-08 .... ET

a brief history of our IVF

our IVF journey has begun again !

This will be our 3rd full stimulated cycle - we had 2 full stim's in 2007 - 1 in March and the 2nd in August .. we also did 4 FET (frozen embryo transfer) cycles - all of which were BFN apart from a suspected chemical pregnancy in Sept 07 ..

A brief history on our cycles from 2007 :

March 07 - FULL STIM - collected 8 eggs, 1 was imature, 1 died - 6 fertilized ! .. I ended up in hospital over with Ovarian Hyperstimulation - NOT NICE ! .. our embies were frozen at DAY 3 - because we couldn't go ahead with transfer ...

April 07 - FET cycle - 2 x day 3 embies - BFN - 2 x progesterone pessaries

May 07 - FET cycle - 1 x cavitating morula, 1 x blastocyst - BFN - 2 x progesterone pessaries

August 07 - FULL STIM - collected 23 eggs, 3 they couldn't do anything with, and 13 fertilized ! - all frozen on DAY 1 - due to hyperstimulation again !

September 07 - FET cycle - 1 x compacting morula, 1 x hatched blastocyst - suspected chemical pregnancy - 2 x progesterone pessaries ..

February 08 - FET cycle - thawed out all 9 remaining embies .. 2 survived .. ET was a bit rough .. I ended up on gas because julie couldn't get the catheta in .. 2 speculums, 3 catheta's and gas later - the 2 embies were on board - sadly another BFN ..

So there you have a quick run down on our 1st 2 IVF's and 4 FET cycles ... we are about to embark on our 3rd full stim and we are very excited !